After becoming a parent again, this time to a boy, I’ve had to relearn a lot of things. As time has passed I think I’ve done pretty good… I mean he’s still alive and laughing so I’m doing something right. Right?

So we’ve made it to the toddler stage and more importantly the terrible two’s. This stage is appropriately named too, because I’d rather deal with my teen and almost teen any day instead of my toddler. I should also mention that little boys are very different than little girls. There is no comparison at all… night & day, oil & water, yin & yang… whatever you want to call it. Boys are a challenge put nicely.

The Toddler

Alright, so here are a few things that I’ve learned recently.

1. When you get upset and just don’t have the words to describe how you feel. Spit. Yes, spit. Get right in your sisters face and spit on her. You feel better and she just walks away from you.

2. Screaming is also good to get your point across. It’s even better if you wait until someone is really close and get close to their ear when you scream.

3. Clothes are always optional. Especially pants.

4. Socks are for your hands not your feet. Duh.

5. Food tastes a lot better when it’s dumped off of the plate and placed directly on the high chair tray.

6. Coffee tables are meant to be stood on and jumped off of.

7. Nail polish looks good all over your hand and arm. And don’t think that tightening the lid will help… any toddler can get it off. They’re ingenious creatures.

8. Peeing on the floor and then looking at your mom while you point at it and say “Mess!” is always fun.

9. Using all the baby wipes to clean everything in the house while running around saying “Mess!” is fun. Guess mom didn’t clean well enough… thanks for helping.

10. All electronic equipment belongs to the toddler. I know this because he holds the remote(s), phones, etc and says “Mine”.

There may be a few more but I don’t want to scare anyone who hasn’t hit this incredible stage especially if they have boys. Mine could just be special and I’m getting paid back for something terrible I did as a child….. Although I doubt that’s the case because I know that I was a great kid!

I think that maybe this is karma for laughing at the antics my sister’s boys have pulled. For the past couple of years it’s been really entertaining to hear her war stories of life with two little boys and now I’ve been cursed blessed with my own boy. I know that I’ll make it through because she is still sane and doesn’t drink excessively… yet (she thinks she deserves sainthood).

Alright, now share with me a few things I have to look forward to that I may have forgotten (or repressed those memories) in the next year or two.