I’m Falling….

I wasn’t going to do the Writer’s Workshop today because I have a lot going on at work but then decided I to do it anyway. It’s the only thing that I’ve been able to do with some regularity.

Mama's Losin' It

The options this week were sort of difficult. I wasn’t sure what one to pick or how to go about writing about one of them. I thought about them a while and finally settled on a childhood fear that I’ve taken into my adult life.

So, how is fear defined? Dictionary.com describes it as a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

A fear can be anything and sometimes so real that it can be debilitating to a person. To children, something they fear can be so strong they actually think it’s real.

When I was a child, probably 8 years old or younger I had a dream that to this day (almost 30 yrs later) I remember vividly. It was so real to me and to this day I hold that fear.

It was a dark, gloomy day like just before a bad storm hits. There were dark clouds in the sky, but the wind was calm as I walked down the driveway towards the mail box. I don’t know why I was going out to get the mail since it was something that I didn’t normally do.

The next scene of my dream was me standing at the mailbox and the little boy who lived across the street was there with me and a little girl, a friend I assume. We talked for a bit and I was afraid, but I can’t remember why or of what.

I finally opened the mailbox and as I opened it I fell into the earth. It was a huge hole and I just fell, and fell, and fell. Fast. Like a free fall.

To this day I do not like free falling rides and even sometimes roller coasters that go down at a steep angle bother me. They scare the living hell out of me. I hate the feeling of falling as we go down a hill on the roller coaster as your body is lifted off the seat. I hold on as tight as I can and keep my eyes closed even tighter. There are those who love the rush and will do it again and again. Not me.

It’s possible that it’s totally an irrational fear or maybe not. But for me it’s none the less a fear. One based on a childhood dream and one that I can’t seem to let go.