I miss you

I miss you…

I didn’t realize just how much I really missed you until I was in the store shopping for Easter gifts for the kids and a lady walked by me. She reminded me of you in so many ways, but the first thing that got me was her perfume.

The perfume she was wearing is one that you wear or wore at one time. It lingered around every corner and aisle that I walked. As soon as I got away from it she was just around the next corner and it the familiar scent was back pulling at me… my heart… and my memories of what was.

She was probably close to your age. She too was shopping for the upcoming holiday…. maybe for her grandkids.

She was shorter than you but a similar share and she styled her hair like you did when it was shorter. She had her face fully made up… just like you. Never leaving the house without makeup.

There was so many things about her that reminded me of you. So many memories came back… it was good to remember and at the same time it was painful because you’re not part of our lives like that.

I miss you. More than you will probably ever know.

For a little while I had you back there with me and it was like we were shopping together again for the kids like we did once so many years ago. Funny thing… it was for Easter too, right after Lauren was born. 11 years ago.

It was an emotional shopping trip and I did what I could to hold my emotions in check and move on with what I was there to do. I was sort of glad when the lady left.

She left, but the memories are still there.

I wish you’d come back.

I wish you were a regular part of my life…. part of my kids lives.

Do you miss me?

Do you miss your grandkids?

I miss you.

I’m linking up with Shell from Things I Can’t Say this week for Pour Your Heart Out. My intention was to start sharing some of the pictures and all that from our week in Florida & time at the Disney Parks but I just couldn’t come up with anything. Not with this pulling at my heart. It’s hard when your mom isn’t part of your life… it’s hard when you know that she is out there living her life. It’s even harder when you have no idea why you’re not part of her life anymore… whether you did or said something wrong. No matter how old you get your mom is important… mine is important. I just don’t know how to mend things… especially when I don’t know what’s broken.